Maura's Birthday
by tika12001
Summary: Jane is complaining about her birthday when Maura pipes up with the fact that she has never actually had a birthday party.


_Title: Maura's Birthday_

 _Rating: Eh, I'm gonna go with T, just cause of some adult themes_

 _Warnings: Mentions of neglect, hints of paedophilia (though nothing actually happens, just intentions are hinted at)... I think that's it. Oh, and veeeery sketchy descriptions of an autopsy. I have no idea what happens when and I couldn't be bothered researching it this time, so just go with it please._

 _Pairing: Do you even need to ask? Jane/Maura, DUH._

 _Author: tika12001_

 _Summary: Jane is complaining about her birthday when Maura pipes up with the fact that she has never actually had a birthday party._

 _Disclaimer: Not mine, I make no money, the original characters belong to Tess Gerritsen and the TV adaptations to Janet Tamaro._

 _Author's notes: I'm back! Hopefully for good. We'll see. Not a long author's note this time as I wanna go cook me some dinner..._

 _R &IR&IR&I_

It started, as so many things seem to do, with my mother.

Angela Rizzoli.

The woman who was a helicopter mother before they even invented the term.

And, to be fair, it started with me too. Complaining, as I was wont to do, about said mother. And about my birthday, which, as always, was coming around far too quickly for my liking.

Look, it's not that I care about the fact I'm getting old... hell, in my field, getting old is practically an achievement... it was just... I _hate_ my birthday.

I mean, I suppose I must have liked it at some point. A cute little three or four or five or six year old, blowing out the candles, a pregnant mother waddling around in the background (I know she must have only been pregnant for 18 months in total, but it seemed like forever), possibly a baby/toddler Frankie screaming for cake as I opened up presents and eventually a baby Tommy too... but the thrill wore off quickly. I can even pretty much pinpoint when... my seventh birthday, when I asked for a bunk bed. I didn't even care that Frankie would be sleeping on the bottom bunk until Tommy got old enough to be out of his cot and I could have that room. I just wanted a bunk bed to build a fort. And Ma got me a pink canopy bed instead. Never mind the fact I hate pink, it completely took up what little space there was in the room with Frankie's tiny little single bed squeezed alongside it, and it wasn't exactly ideal for fort-building. Of course, I couldn't break my mother's heart, not when she was looking at me with such excitement, so I thanked her and hugged her tightly, and felt my little heart break for the first time.

It only got worse from there.

The next birthday, I wanted a water pistol. They were the latest fad in school, and the boys I played with were always talking about the latest model and how far they could shoot water with them. I longed to play with them on the weekend and join in their boasting, so I asked for the very latest water pistol brought out, sure I would be the envy and the talk of the school yard. Pop came home the next day, my birthday, brandishing a long, wrapped item. It seemed a bit too bulky for a water pistol, but I didn't really notice... and when I unwrapped it, out popped a doll.

Six weeks later, on Frankie's birthday, he received the very water pistol I had so coveted. It was too big for him, so I used it, and he happily played with my doll instead. It was never the same though.

When I turned nine, I was desperate for a Red Sox party. I thought we could invite my friends down to the local park, have a game of baseball, pretend we were our favourite players, and Ma could serve hotdogs and lemonade and little cups of peanuts for snacks. Ma was planning the party, but she wanted it to be a surprise, so she refused to tell me anything other than that I would love it. Despite myself, I began to get excited for my dream party. The day came, I was blindfolded and led down to the car. We drove for an indeterminate distance, parked, I was helped out of the car and... my mother was standing in front of me, holding a pink tutu, while it seemed like every girl in my school ran around in similar clothing. It was a teddy bear tea party, Ma told me, holding out my beloved 'Scraggly' teddy bear. I yanked him from her, and prepared myself to grin and bear it.

If Ma noticed that Scraggly, the bear I had not spent a night without since the day I was born, was in the trash the following day, she never mentioned it.

I could go on, but I think you get the hint. Birthdays? Not my thing. So it was when I was complaining about my mother's latest 'brilliant' idea for my birthday party, that Maura piped up with the fact that she'd never had a birthday party.

 _R &IR&IR&I_

 _"_ _Wait... what do you mean?"_

 _"_ _What do you think I mean?" Maura asked patiently, examining a lung closely. I wrinkled my nose, wondering why so many of these random conversations seem to happen while Maura was holding another person's internal organs._

 _"_ _You_ never _celebrated your birthday?" My brow furrowed as I struggled to understand. "Were you... did you grow up as a Jehovah's Witness or something?"_

 _"_ _I never said we didn't celebrate my birthday, Jane. Just that we never had a party, per say."_

 _"_ _So..." I blinked, shaking my head rapidly, "you did celebrate your birthday?"_

 _"_ _Yes."_

 _"_ _Just not with a party?"_

 _"_ _Correct." Maura lifted her scalpel once more and I wrinkled my nose as she made a couple of careful cuts before putting it down again and lifting out the large intestine._

 _"_ _So what did you do then?"_

 _Maura paused, seeming to consider. "We had 'celebrations' occasionally. Mostly we had birthday dinners."_

 _"_ _And... a dinner isn't a party?"_

 _"_ _No, of course not."_

 _"_ _And a 'celebration' isn't a party."_

 _"_ _No."_

 _"_ _But a party is a celebration."_

 _Maura sighed, popping the intestine into a scale. "Yes, you could say that. A celebration is defined as the action of celebrating an important day or event, so yes, a party is a celebration." Seeming to be finished with the autopsy, she spoke a few words into her voice recorder before starting to 'clean up'. I watched her carefully replace the large intestine before speaking._

 _"_ _So..._ why _isn't a celebration a party?"_

 _Maura sighed heavily. "Jane, I need to concentrate on closing the cadaver."_

 _I scoffed. "Please Maura, you could do that blindfolded."_

 _"_ _Neatly?" she shot back and I nodded._

 _"_ _Yep. You could give lessons to blind people. "How to Sew Up Dead People, a class for the blind, run by Dr Maura Isles", can't you just see it?"_

 _Seemingly despite herself, Maura smiled. "Certainly, I'll get right on that."_

 _"_ _You should." I waited for a few seconds then... "So?"_

 _"_ _So..." she sighed. "A party is a grouping of your peers, your friends and loved ones. A 'celebration'..." she paused and looked off into space, "is a gathering of the people that your parents most want to impress. A gathering where you must be on your best behaviour, and ignore the highly intoxicated guests, and laugh instead of cry when people forget your name when you are supposed to be the guest of honor."_

 _I gape. "I... oh."_

 _Maura seemed to have built up a head of steam however. "A celebration is when you must smile when your father's business associates look you up and down and tell you how grown up you look, how beautiful you are, where you must ignore the alarm bells that ring at the look in their eyes. Where you look at your father's warning look over their shoulder and know, again, that this party is not for you, not really. Where your mother preens and prattles, and talks more about herself than you. Where your grades are held up for comparison against every Tom, Dick and Mary out there..."_

 _"_ _Tom, Dick and Harry," I quietly corrected despite myself. Maura continued as though she hadn't heard a word though._

 _"_ _...and you are told what wonderful options you might have for future career paths, if only you had an aptitude for the arts like your adopted mother! And oh, isn't it wonderful how the Isles' adopted you dear, and you fit in so well to the family, no one would ever know, except you do know, because everyone brings it up every single time you have a celebration like this and you are never allowed to feel like you might just... belong."_

 _She breathed heavily, and I couldn't think of anything to say except... "They never touched you, did they?"_

 _She didn't look up at me. "Who?"_

 _"_ _Your father's... 'business associates'." I filled the words with as much contempt as I could._

 _She let out a long breath. "No. They... I could tell they... wanted to but... no."_

 _"_ _How... how old were you when the 'celebrations' stopped?"_

 _Maura went back to sewing up the cadaver, her hands sure and steady. I'm not sure how, since my own hands were shaking like two leaves blowing in the wind. "I think there was one or two during my boarding school time, but mostly they were held in the couple of years prior to leaving for boarding school."_

 _Maura left for boarding school when she was 10. I deliberately didn't go down the path my mind was leading me, and focused on the dinners instead. "So... you said you had dinners more frequently?"_

 _"_ _Yes," Maura said, tying off the last stitch efficiently and I blinked, wondering how long our conversation had actually lasted. "Usually," she continued, stripping off her gloves and heading to the sink to scrub her hands, "it was Mother and I, but if Father wasn't too busy, he would also join. And of course, my nanny would attend."_

 _"_ _Was..." I swallowed, not wanting to ask the question but needing to at the same time, "was your mother ever too busy to attend?"_

 _Maura's eyes dropped, only for a split second but it was enough to tell me my answer. "Only once or twice," she murmured._

 _"_ _You... you had a couple of birthdays where... where no one celebrated with you except your nanny?" Maura was silent and I gaped, interpreting the silence. "You had a birthday with_ no one? _"_

 _Maura squared her shoulders and turned to face me, her eyes slightly too shiny. "It's not a big deal, Jane. It's just another day."_

 _"_ _But..." I faltered, unable to even fathom a situation in which my mother would be 'too busy' to celebrate my birthday. I'm pretty sure that even if she was on the other side of the planet on a holiday, she'd be racking up long distance calls planning out my hideous, completely unwanted, but decidedly love-filled birthday present. And planning a party._ And _figuring out the time difference so she would know precisely when to call me so she could speak to me for the longest possible time before one of us had to hang up. She would never just_ leave _it. "Maura..." I started, and Maura shook her head._

 _"_ _Honestly, Jane. It's not a big deal." She headed towards the door and I turned to watch her, unable to even move from my perch on the bench. "Just," she said suddenly, pausing in the doorway, and I looked at her, "next time your mother plans a birthday surprise..." her mouth opened once or twice, but she didn't seem to have a way to finish the sentence, as she shook her head slightly and continued walking. I watched the door swing shut and then just stared at my feet._

 _R &IR&IR&I_

"What's up with you?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean," Frankie replied, raising an eyebrow, "that if you keep it up, you're going to tap a hole right through that desk. And I'm not sure BPD will replace a ruined desk just because you tapped your pen on it five billion times."

I threw my pen down grumpily as he pulled up a chair. "It's not five billion times."

"Not yet," he threw back, and I half smiled. "Seriously sis, what's up?"

I sighed. "Ok, fine. I was talking to Maura the other day and... I was complaining. About my birthday."

"Okay." Frankie leaned forward and opened up my desk drawer, lifting up some papers, heading straight for... huh. Guess my secret chocolate stash isn't such a secret after all.

"How did you know where my chocolate stash is?"

Frankie chewed unabashedly. "Korsak told me."

"And Korsak found out how?"

"He asked Maura."

Right. I shook my head. "And how did Maura find out?"

Frankie shrugged. "I dunno. I'm guessing you tried to hide fudge clusters at some point?"

I snorted. The woman did have a nose like a bloodhound for fudge clusters, and as far as I could tell, they were her one weakness when it came to food that was 'not of nutritional benefit'. And, come to think of it, there was a time a couple of weeks ago where I thought I had had some clusters in the drawer but couldn't find them... I finally convinced myself I must have eaten them and simply forgotten. Making a mental note to ask her later, I decided to continue on with my story. "Well, I was complaining to Maura."

"Wait, about... right, your birthday, got it." I glared and he shrugged. "Hey, just getting situated again, don't mind me."

I sighed. "Right. Anyway, so I was complaining..."

"Naturally."

"Do you want to hear this or not, knucklehead?"

Frankie held up his hands in a surrender. "Sorry, sorry, go ahead. You were complaining about your birthday to Maura... am I all caught up? Or did you want to repeat the part about complaining one more time?"

"Why do I talk to you again?"

"You love me," Frankie grinned a chocolatey grin at me and I rolled my eyes.

"Shut up. Anyway..." I let out a breath, "did you know she's never had a birthday party?"

Frankie coughed and spluttered, turning bright red. Concerned, I patted him on the back a couple of times. "What, never?" he finally got out as I handed him a bottle of water.

"Nope," I stared broodily into my cup of coffee. It was now cold because I'd been thinking about this too long to drink it. "She's had birthday 'dinners'..."

"Dinners," Frankie repeated blankly.

"Dinners," I confirmed, "and the explanation has only made me want to hurt her parents a little bit more than I already did."

"I thought you got on well with Constance now."

"Hmm," I said noncommittally. "She still has a lot of making up to Maura to do before I'm completely okay with her. Even more so now."

"Right."

"She's also had birthday 'celebrations'. And, before you ask," I interrupted the question forming on Frankie's lips, "a celebration is not a party, but a party is a celebration."

Frankie blinked. "Right."

"It makes sense when Maura says it."

"Of course it does. So... what does a celebration entail?"

"A whole lot of I never want to talk or think about it ever again, otherwise I may go on a killing spree. Got it?"

Frankie looked slightly scared. "Right."

"I really don't want you to have to arrest me."

"I really don't want to have to arrest you," he agreed.

"Good. So we won't talk about the celebrations."

"Right."

"Half left," I quipped, and Frankie frowned, obviously confused. "Never mind," I said. "So... when is Maura's birthday again?"

"August sometime, I think," Frankie replied and pulled out his phone. Hunting through it for a couple of minutes, he finally piped up, "August 7th."

I blinked. "What?"

"What?"

"Today's the 31st of July!"

"So?"

"So that's only a week away!"

"Oh." I waited. "OH! You want to plan something for her!"

"No shit Sherlock," I grumped, and he grinned.

"Sorry. It's just too easy to get a rise out of you."

"Feeling the love, Frankie, I'm feeling the love."

"So you should. So what do you want to do?"

"I don't know," I frowned, thinking back on the years I'd known Maura. "What..." I cleared my throat, not sure I wanted to know the answer, "what have I done for Maura in previous years?"

"Um..." Frankie mumbled, and my heart sank. "Well, one time we passed around a collection plate for her, and you chipped in a few dollars."

"A _few dollars?_ What, couldn't I scrimp enough for a lousy 10 bucks?"

Frankie winced. "I'm not entirely sure you even registered who it was for. You were in the middle of the Hoy..." he stopped abruptly and coughed. "Uh, a big case."

"Fucking Hoyt," I mumbled, and Frankie nodded.

"Yeah."

"I had to have done something for her other times though."

"Um..." Frankie looked uncomfortable, like he'd rather be anywhere else. "Well, a couple of years in a row, Ma's baked her a cake."

"Where was I?"

Frankie shrugged. "You were busy. You had a case... or... or Casey was in town... or something."

"Frankie!" I gasped, mortified, and he simply shrugged again.

"Maura didn't seem that put out. She knows you're a busy woman."

I let my head fall into my hands. "Yeah, so busy I apparently put _everyone_ in front of my best friend. Oh wait, what date did you say? August 7th? Yeah, sorry, I have an appointment to get my hair curled. Clearly _far_ more important than my _best friend's birthday_."

Frankie looked at my head of wild ringlets in utter bewilderment. "You're getting your hair curled?"

"THAT WAS SARCASM," I half yelled and he raised his eyebrows, looking away even as he lifted his hands in surrender.

I sighed. "Sorry."

"No you're not."

"Well," I lifted a shoulder, "That was a monumentally stupid thing to seriously question, so..."

"So I deserved it, right, of course. Silly me."

"Yep." I was silent for a few minutes. "I want to organise a surprise birthday party for her."

"Hmm," Frankie tilted his head on the side and appeared to think about it.

"What?"

"It's a week till her birthday."

"Yes?"

"It just... Janie, have you ever organised a party before?"

I opened my mouth to retaliate with the many parties I had organised, and quickly deflated when I drew a blank. "I... no."

"It just... it might be a bit tricky."

"I don't _care_ , Frankie! We can do it! And look, the less time there is before the party, the less time there is for someone to ruin the surprise, right?"

"Yeah..."

"And we're talking a _week_ here, not an hour! People have thrown together parties in less time!"

"True..."

"Please, Frankie? I need your help on this one. I just..." I shrug helplessly. "Maura's special, you know? She needs to be shown that she's special. And... not enough people have taken the time to let her know that in her life. Not..." I swallowed, feeling a ball of emotion roll up into my throat unexpectedly, "not even me. I need to fix this, Frankie. I need to fix it now."

Frankie frowned and reached out for my hand. I let him take it, and tried to swallow back the sobs that wanted to come out. "Hey, hey, it's okay. We can do this. We _will_ do this. Okay? But... you know we'll need help on this one. We'll have to ask the expert."

I sniffled and looked up at him. "Who?"

 _R &IR&IR&I_

"MA! MA, WHERE ARE YOU?" I hollered, barrelling into Maura's guest house at an almost flat-out run. Maura was still at work, thankfully, otherwise I never would have risked making such a racket.

"What? Janie, is that you? Is everything okay? Why are you yelling? You know you're going to hurt yourself if you run around like that. I always tell you but do you ever listen? You know, this is just like the time when you and Frankie were..." Ma came out from the bedroom, halfway through folding a towel and I rolled my eyes.

"MA!"

"What?!" she replied, startled enough to drop the towel. She picked it up and glared at me reproachfully.

"I..." I gasped in a breath and smiled widely. It suddenly hit me how to make sure that Ma made this wonderful for Maura. "I know what I want for my birthday."

As expected, Ma lit up. "You know what you want? Janie, you _never_ know what you want! In fact, usually you say you don't want anything! Oh this is so exciting! Should I get a pen and paper or will I remember? Maybe I'll grab a pen and paper anyway, just in case... I don't want to forget a thing... not a single thing..."

"Ma," I interrupted again and she blinked at me, still smiling widely. "For my birthday, I want a surprise birthday party for Maura. On her birthday."

Ma frowned. "What?"

I took a deep breath. "I don't really care about my birthday... you've given me enough wonderful memories to last a lifetime, Ma. The amount of love you give me..." I blinked away unexpected tears and almost rolled my eyes at myself. So much for being a badass, the amount of times I was almost crying lately... "It's just... I know I complain, but you never made me feel unwanted. You never made me feel unloved."

Ma reached out and grabbed my hands. "That's because you never _were_ unwanted, _or_ unloved."

"I know," I take another deep breath. "And... Maura was wanted and loved too... but her family didn't... they didn't know how to show it. So..."

Sudden understanding bloomed in my mother's eyes. "So you want us to make it up to her."

I nodded. "Yeah. So... for my birthday this year, I want... I just want all our effort spent on making _Maura's_ birthday special. Please, Ma?"

She looked at me closely. "I can still buy you presents though?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, you can still buy me presents." She was still scrutinizing me closely and I began shifting uncomfortably under the intense gaze. "Ma?"

"Are you in love with Maura?" she asked abruptly, and my jaw dropped.

"I... wha... Ma!... I..."

"Never mind," she said, cutting me off just as abruptly as she had come out with the question. "I mean, obviously I'd rather you were with a man but... I mean... Maura's a lovely woman. I wouldn't be opposed to her joining the family."

"I... Ma?"

"Just... anyway! Party planning time! Her birthday is in a week, right? So 7 days... not much time, but I've worked up a party in less time. Do you happen to have Maura's address book?"

I stood gaping at her. "Ma?"

"Of course, she's got Facebook, I can always contact people on there..."

"But..."

"Phone calls are just so much more convenient though."

"Sure, I..."

"I mean, you can actually _talk_ via phone calls, you know?"

Shaking off the thought of the dozen or more complete strangers who would end up stuck on the phone with my mother for upwards of half an hour, I agreed, "Yes, and..."

"And you can talk to the police officers and morgue people."

"I'll talk to her parents too," I injected quickly and Ma looked at me.

"Okay. And I'm sure you know her favourite party foods."

"Uh... kale?" I ask weakly and Ma shakes her head.

"Hardly a party food. Never mind, we'll ask everyone to bring a plate. You'll bring fudge clusters?" she shoots at me rapidly and I shake my head.

"Does _everyone_ know of that woman's obsession with fudge clusters?" I mumbled to myself before replying aloud, "Yes, I'll bring fudge clusters."

"Good. Now we also have to organise a cake and music and a venue... Where do you think we should do it?"

"Well, how about..."

"The Dirty Robber, perfect. What time?"

"I think..."

"We'll tell Maura 7pm but everyone else to be there by 6:30pm."

"Sure."

"And you can get her there, right?"

"Sure, I'll tell her..."

"Perfect."

I shook my head. "Thanks Ma."

"You're welcome, Janie. Okay, so we need to organise..." she trailed off, muttering to herself as she walked further into the guest house. I shook my head again, smiling fondly.

"I'm not in love with her by the way Ma!" I yelled out suddenly as I turned to leave, and Ma's hand flapped at me in a 'yeah, yeah, whatever you reckon' gesture. Rolling my eyes, I walked through the door, confident everything was in the right hands.

 _R &IR&IR&I_

The party preparation actually went off quite well. Constance tried to tell me she was busy but almost instantly buckled after a few choice words on my behalf and promised to be there. Arthur was a little bit harder to crack, resorting to calling me a 'rude little girl', an 'ignorant sassy woman' and finally a simple 'bitch' before I really lost my temper. Not surprisingly it didn't take long after that for him to promise he'd see me there. I might have detected a little fear in his voice at that moment, but that was completely fine with me. Hope and Cailin instantly agreed (the second did not surprise me, the first did; seems that all of Maura's parental figures let her down far too often for me to trust them). I spoke to Susie, who gushed to me about how many people in the morgue loved Maura and how they'd be thrilled to come, and then I discreetly spread the word among the police officers and detectives, etc, too. Along with the people that Ma had managed to get out of Maura's address book, we were looking at an invite list of well over 70 people. The Dirty Robber was only licensed to hold 50, but Ma assured me it would be fine. Being last minute, people were sure to pull out. I wasn't so sure... for a woman who had always felt so unloved, she sure had managed to rack up a pile of people who adored her.

Me, chief among them.

The truth was, in the five days since Ma had asked me if I am in love with Maura, the question had plagued me. _Did_ I love Maura? Well, of course I did. She's my best friend. But did I love her as in... was I _in love_ with her? That one was a bit harder to pin down. It meant going through and clearly categorizing and identifying my emotions, something I clearly was not good at if my past relationship history was anything to go by.

I sighed, deciding to go through it from the beginning again. Did I love Maura? Yes. Was Maura attractive? Definitely. She was gorgeous. Was I attracted to her? Again, I faltered.

"Oh God, why do you look like you have a stick up your ass... again?"

I grinned wickedly, turning to face my little brother. "It's not my fault you're around when I decide to try out kinky sex toys."

Instantly his face screwed up in disgust. "Oh man! Seriously Janie, that's disgusting, I do _not_ want to picture that on my sister!"

"But you do want to picture it?"

"Well..." Frankie waggled his eyebrows and it was my turn to scrunch my face up in disgust.

"Frankie!"

"You started it."

I laughed. "Ok, truce."

"Truce," Frankie agreed, sitting down near me and I was hit with déjà vu. "So... seriously, what's up? It can't be Maura's birthday thing, I thought that was all under control."

"Shhhh!" I said, looking around frantically. When I ascertained Maura was nowhere within sight, I turned back to see Frankie with raised eyebrows.

"Sure, because I'm _trying_ to ruin the surprise."

"Well, you never know when she might pop up for a visit."

" _I looked around first, Janie."_

"I didn't know that!" I argued defensively and crossed my arms across my chest. It was a juvenile move, to appear so pouty, but I couldn't help it. I _felt_ juvenile at that moment.

"So, is it?"

"Is what?" I asked grumpily.

"The party? Is it under control?"

"Yes," I pouted. "Yes, it's fine."

"So?"

"So what?"

"So are you going to tell me what's wrong with you that's had you pouting and moping around for the past few days? Is it because you asked to not have a birthday party so Maura could have one?"

I rolled my eyes. "What am I, 5? No genius, that was my brilliant idea. I hate birthday parties so I asked for one for Maura instead. Win-win!"

"Right. So then, what is it?"

"What's what?"

Frankie frowned. "I will not hesitate to slap you."

"I will not hesitate to beat you down if you do."

"Tell me!"

"Ugh!" I groaned. "Fine. Look... oh this is weird." I looked around but it was surprisingly quiet. Everyone was either out on call, or out to lunch. I was meant to be doing paperwork – I looked at the pile guiltily – key words: meant to be. "Okay... Ma asked me something when I asked her about the party."

"Ohh..." Frankie nodded, sitting back on his chair, looking way too understanding for my liking. "That's what this is about."

"You know what this is about?"

"Uh... yeah?"

" _Ma told you what this is about?_ "

"Jane, it's honestly not a big deal. So you're in love with Maura, so what."

" _Ma told you I'm in love with Maura?!_ "

"Well, no, to be fair, she said that she _thinks_ you're in love with her. I'm the one who said you definitely are." Frankie picked up a pen and started twirling it, putting it down quickly when he sensed the murderous energy coming his way. "What? Seriously Janie, no one cares in this day and age. Well, most people don't, anyway. And Ma's already said she's fine with it, so... why are you looking at me like that?"

" _You said I'm in love with Maura."_

"Yes?"

" _You said I'm in love with Maura._ "

"Heard you the first time, Janie."

I threw my hands up and wailed, "I don't _know_ if I'm in love with Maura though!" A couple of police officers down the other end of the room looked up at me. I glared daggers in their direction and they quickly looked away again.

Frankie laughed but stopped suddenly. "Wait... are you serious?"

"Of course I am!"

"You seriously don't know?"

"No Frankie, I'm just saying this for shits and giggles."

"Oh."

"Of course I don't know, you baboon!"

Frankie rubbed the side of his head where I slapped him. "Uh... so you want help figuring it out?"

I let out a breath. "Yes please."

"Ok... so... do you find Maura attractive?"

I roll my eyes. "She's gorgeous. What I get stuck on is the 'am I _attracted_ to her' part though."

Frankie rubbed his temples. "Okay... ignoring the fact this is weird for me, hang on... right, can you imagine yourself kissing her?"

"I..." I stopped suddenly, picturing her lips. All too clearly, I could see them in my mind's eye, and I could see myself kissing them... "It... it's not outside the realms of possibility."

"Can you imagine yourself... snuggling up next to her on the couch?"

I blinked. We pretty much did that anyway. Except I probably held myself back a little, for propriety's sake. For the first time, I wondered if Maura held herself in check a bit too. "I... well, yes."

"How about in bed? _Cuddling_ in bed," Frankie quickly clarified, closing his eyes briefly and I smiled, my mind going back to the few times I'd woken with Maura next to me... it had felt so natural for her to be there...

"Yes..."

Frankie cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Can you imagine yourself... touching her? Ya know... intimately."

I pictured running my hands down her side, her chest heaving as she gasped for air, her thighs spreading invitingly... I gulped. "I... it doesn't sound terrible..."

"And..." Frankie took a deep breath, "can you picture her touching you the same way?"

Now in my mind's eye those delicate hands are trailing down my ribcage, feathering over my breasts, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake... "Yes..." I breathed out, and my eyes, which I hadn't even realized had closed, snapped open. "Holy shit. I'm in love with Maura." I turned to Frankie, who looked vaguely uncomfortable with my revelation.

"Yep."

"I'm in love with Maura."

"Yeah."

" _Frankie!_ "

"What?"

 _"_ _I'm in love with Maura_."

"Hey, don't forget that I'm the one that called it."

"Oh my God, you're annoying. So..." I looked at him desperately. "What do I do now?"

"Umm... I don't know?"

"You have to know! You 'called it' after all!" I said, using air quotes to emphasize his words.

"Tell her and then go have lots of sex and babies?"

I rolled my eyes. "Really? Seriously, Frankie?"

"Yeah. Well, you'll probably need help with the babies part. IVF maybe, or adoption. Adoption is good. IVF is good too. Or you might not even want kids. I don't know. Maybe don't tell Ma if you don't want kids though. Might be safer to claim you're both infertile. But then she'd probably want proof... and even if you could create proof that would satisfy her, she'd probably just say to adopt... yeah, good luck if you don't want kids."

I rolled my eyes at Frankie's babbling. "And how do I just casually bring up the fact that _I'm in love with Maura_?"

"I'm pretty sure if you just tell her, she'll jump you before you have a chance to finish the sentence."

I rolled my eyes again. "Frankie, be serious."

"I am being serious, Janie!" I looked at him suspiciously, but sure enough, he had his sincere puppy dog expression on his face. "She's been waiting for you, didn't you realize that? She's been waiting for you to get your shit together for a long time."

I narrowed my eyes. "She loves me too?"

"Of course she does!" Frankie exclaimed impatiently.

I stared at him. "Are you sure?"

"Yes!"

"Really?"

Frankie exhaled through his nose noisily. " _Yes._ "

"You're sure?"

"Oh for God's sake..." Frankie stood up and stomped away, just as Korsak came back. "She's impossible!" he declared, pointing at me. Korsak laughed while I managed to simultaneously glare and pout.

"Tell me something I don't know, kid."

 _R &IR&IR&I_

The day of the party dawned sunny and bright and with a sense of expectation in the air. I had asked Frankie the day before if I should wish Maura a happy birthday, but since I had made barely any reference to it in the years before, he thought it would come across as suspicious. So instead, I had to walk in the park alongside the blissfully ignorant Maura as she babbled about flowers and their origins, feeling like I was hiding a secret from her.

Which of course, I was. I was hiding the party from her... as well as the fact that I was going to tell her that I loved her at said party.

I was also hiding the fact that I was scared out of my brain.

"Jane, are you okay?"

I jumped. Okay, maybe I wasn't hiding it as well as I thought. "Sure. Yeah. Totally. Cooooompletely. I'm fine. Why?"

Maura's eyes narrowed. "Because I was just talking about the Houstonia Purpurea flower and you never hesitate to say 'Purpurea' in that annoying way you have when I discuss this flower."

"Puuuuurp-urEEa!" I declared gleefully and Maura shook her head.

"I'm sorry I reminded you." She stepped aside gracefully as I pulled open the door to BPD for her to step inside ahead of me.

"Don't be sorry! Puurp-urEEEEEEa! Maura? Purp-urEEEEEEEEEEEEa!"

Maura started laughing. "Jane, stop, people are looking."

"What? It sounds like purple diarrhoea. The best name for a flower ever, in my opinion. Bit odd that only the buds are purple though. You'd think the whole flower would be purple. Or better yet, purple and BROWN! And sorta drippy, and..."

"Okay, on that note, I am going downstairs," Maura laughed, pushing the elevator button for the morgue.

"Okay." I headed over to the other bank of elevators and looked over at her. "Hey, Maura?"

"Yes?" she looked at me, a look of gentle fondness on her face. I smiled at her.

"Will you have dinner with me tonight?"

Maura smiled, looking almost bashful. "Yes, Jane. That sounds wonderful."

"Okay," I smiled, "I'll pick you up at your place? Say 6:45?"

Maura nodded, a light flush colouring her skin and it was only after I stepped into the elevator and the doors closed that I realized it sounded like I asked her out on a date.

Oh well, I smiled to myself. After all, I kind of did. It's just that 40 or more other people would be there too. And we'd have plenty of opportunities to be alone after the party... Lost in my own little fantasy, I almost walked into Korsak as I exited the elevator. "This is not a good sign of what's to come if she's already in dreamland," he laughed to Frankie, who I belatedly realized was standing beside him after I avoided Korsak and almost walked into Frankie instead.

"Shut up, you two."

"When it's so easy? Janie, how could you ask it of us?"

I glowered as the two of them got in the lift and waved goodbye to me sarcastically. Smartasses. I sighed and headed to my desk for what I was sure would be the longest day in history. Part of me hoped for a murder, just to make the day pass faster, but I worried it would potentially eat into party time... plus with the stack of paper on my desk to be sorted... gritting my teeth, I sat down, took a sip of coffee and got down to business.

 _R &IR&IR&I_

It had been the longest day ever, as per my prediction, but luckily no murders were reported and finally the time had come to go home and get ready. With great care, I had picked out a button-up shirt in red that Maura had once told me she liked on me, plus some carefully creased pant and a matching jacket to complete the look. After only a brief hesitation, I also applied a touch of makeup and straightened my hair. It took a bit longer than I anticipated, but I knew the look on Maura's face when she saw me would be well worth it. As well as the look on her face when she saw her party... biting my lip, I knocked on Maura's front door. It opened almost immediately, and my breath caught in my throat. Maura was wearing a black dress with a red belt and red accessories... truthfully, it looked like we had colour-coordinated our outfits. Not to mention, Maura looked _stunning_. I smiled. Tonight was off to a good start.

 _R &IR&IR&I_

I settled into the driver's seat and looked over at Maura, feeling almost bashful. "Are you okay with just The Dirty Robber?" I asked, and Maura nodded, folding her hands in her lap elegantly, a soft blush colouring her cheeks.

"Of course, Jane. You know I like it there."

"Good," I smiled nervously as I turned the wheel and saw the amount of cars parked in the street. I whistled lowly. Looked like Ma's prediction of not everyone showing up might not have come true.

"Wow, a busy night," Maura said in awe. "I hope we can find a park. And a table inside," she added as an afterthought, and I nodded.

"Me too," I agreed, but, whether by luck or fate, a spot was available almost directly in front of the bar. As I was getting out of the car, I noticed a curtain twitch and I smiled. So, not a coincidence then, they wanted to be able to see us coming. Suddenly feeling my palms get all clammy, I blotted them on my pants before offering my hand to Maura... and the lights went out in The Dirty Robber.

"Oh!" Maura jumped. "What happened? I hope everyone's okay inside!"

"Maybe it was a circuit break," I said. "Come on, let's go check it out."

Maura smiled up at me nervously, reaching out and grabbing on to my still offered hand. I felt a jolt of energy shoot through me from the point of contact and smiled back. "It'll be okay," I murmured. "I'll keep you safe." It seemed cheesy but as I watched Maura practically melt in front of me, I realized how right it felt. I would always keep Maura safe, as best I could. But for now... I walked up ahead of her, for once not letting her enter first, wanting and needing to see her face when she realized what we had done for her. I opened the door and let her walk inside, keeping an eye on her at all times.

And then the lights flicked on.

And a few dozen people yelled 'surprise!'

"Oh my goodness!" Maura gasped, her free hand instantly going up to her face as she looked around the room. It came as no shock to me when only seconds later, her face crumpled as she started to cry. I gathered her in my arms and took my first look around the bar and smiled as I realized Ma had outdone herself this time. There were streamers and balloons everywhere, huge handpainted banners that had 'Happy birthday Maura!' on them, plates upon plates of food, and the bar was filled to overflowing. Arthur and Constance sat in a corner, smiling at me nervously but I couldn't care less about them at that moment. Everyone had come. Everyone had made this effort to make this day special for Maura. I realized that I had started crying too but I didn't care... I just buried my face in Maura's sweet smelling hair, and thanked God for bringing her into my life.

"Will you dance with me, Maura Isles?" I finally whispered when I had gained control of myself, and she pulled back to look at me, her makeup running down her cheeks, her face red and blotchy and swollen.

She had never looked more beautiful.

"Of course, Jane Rizzoli," she whispered back, and I felt my breath catch in my throat. Everything was changing, I could feel it, and, judging by the look in Maura's eyes, she could feel it too and I smiled as I realized that I was completely okay with that.

 _R &IR&IR&I_

"This has... this... I..."

I put my bag on the entryway table and turned to look at Maura as she floundered. "Bit lost for words there, Maur?"

She put her bag down too, her head tilted down so that her hair fell forward and covered her face, and for the first time, I felt a stab of fear. She had been completely silent the whole drive back to her place, and I had foolishly assumed that she was simply too tired, or maybe even too happy, to speak. But what if she wasn't happy? What if she was angry, and I had simply stirred up painful memories of disappointing prior birthdays rather than give her the amazing surprise I had hoped for? Sure, she had certainly seemed to enjoy herself whilst at the party but Maura was nothing if not polite... isn't it possible that she put on her Queen of the Dead persona and I just didn't pick up on it because I was too busy patting myself on the back? What if the tears at the initial surprise were not tears of happiness as I had presumed, but tears of anger and frustration? What if Maura really had just wanted a quiet dinner with me? My voice shook slightly as I reached out for her, speaking her name softly. "Maura..."

"Thank you, Jane," she finally whispered and I let out a breath I hadn't even realized I'd been holding.

"You're welcome." I hesitated only briefly before tentatively adding, "Did you enjoy it?"

Immediately she looked up at me, her eyes red rimmed from crying, but still unmistakeably happy. "I loved it. I loved every moment. You made nearly every birthday wish come true." She winced slightly and looked away and I frowned.

"Nearly?" Maura stayed silent and I reached out, hooking a finger under her chin and gently lifting her head, ducking my own until I could catch her gaze. "What did I miss?"

"It's not important," she replied and pulled away from me, toeing off her heels and neatly lining them up near the door before heading further into the house. I caught up with her quickly and pulled on her arm until she turned around.

"If it's something _you_ want," I tell her softly yet firmly, "it is _very_ important."

She wasn't looking at me, instead looking at the floor, and again, I put a single finger under her chin, lifting it so I could see her eyes. It was only as her gaze lifted and I realized I could see every sparkling teardrop on those long lashes of hers, that I realized how very intimate this position was. I felt a small thrill rush through me as I realized how comfortable I was standing here with Maura, how comfortable I was _loving_ her. I wanted to love her for the rest of my life, I thought with a jolt, and the realization filled me with a deep sense of... I couldn't even begin to describe it. It was excitement, but also calmness. Comfort and fear of the unknown. But mostly... it was happiness.

"Maura..." I breathed, and watched as her gaze darted down to my lips for a split second. There it was. I didn't need her to tell me what her last birthday wish was. I think I had known it all along. "I'm going to kiss you now," I warned quietly and Maura let out a sigh, pressing herself closer to me.

"Please," she whispered.

So I did.

 _R &IR&IR&I_

"So, there you have it. It started with my mother, in so many ways. She was the one who showed me what it means to love someone so much you can barely stand it, to show that love in a multitude of ways. Yes, it took me a while to get there... I thank God many times that Maura is so patient and was willing to wait for me... but I got there in the end. And that's how, little one, your mother's and my anniversary, happens to fall on your mother's birthday. We even got married on that day, one year later."

"Mommy never had a birthday party when she was a little girl?" Annabelle gasped, gripping onto her brother's fingers tightly. David, all of 2 years old, looked at both of us bemusedly, and I grinned at him, pulling him onto my lap and blowing raspberries onto his round little belly until he squealed with delight. Annabelle, a wise little soul of 8 years, looked on fondly, and I was once again reminded of Maura as I stared at her.

"No, she didn't. This is why we organise a big surprise for her every year."

"SURPRISE!" David squealed and I tickled him again as Annabelle seemed to think deeply.

"It's not really a surprise though, if you do it _every_ year," she finally mused out loud and I hid my grin at how very _Maura_ our little girl was turning out to be.

"That is true," I agreed gravely. "Do you have any suggestions?"

"Hmm..." she said, tapping her finger on her chin and looking up at the ceiling. It ended up being David that spilled the beans that Maura was standing behind us.

"MOMMY!" he squealed happily and wriggled off my lap, and I turned around to see my beautiful wife holding some papers in front of her.

"We decided to surprise _you_ this time, Ma!" Annabelle giggled, as Maura picked up our equally giggly son.

"What's this?" I asked, taking the papers and mock glaring at Annabelle, whose laughter only increased. I glanced through the paperwork and looked up in genuine shock.

"A holiday," Maura said softly. "The children will go to Angela's for a week, and we will have some time together. Is that... is that okay?"

I folded Maura into my arms gently, loving the way her arms came up so trustingly and wrapped around my shoulders. Whether the first time or the thousandth, it always gave me a thrill and a sense of comfort I found difficult to describe. "It's _your_ birthday, Maura. I should be the one checking if it's okay with you."

She smiled up at me and leaned up to press a quick kiss to my lips. "As long as I'm with you, Jane, my birthday will always be wonderful."

 _R &IR&IR&I_

Turns out, I still don't really like my birthday.

But Maura's birthday? It had rapidly become my favourite day of the year.

END

 _So I haven't actually reread this whole thing for a while, just slapped a few finalising paragraphs on it and sent it out to the world, so if it sucks, I will accept full responsibility. Please review *shamelessly begs* Okay, time for that dinner... steak and veg om nom nom GET IN MAH BELLEH._


End file.
